The Pivot #10 - Music Edition - Undo The Silence
- Jaren
- Apr 19
- 3 min read
Updated: May 1
LYRICS AT BOTTOM OF POST
There are a handful of songs in my career as a writer that I can truly say I am proud of having written. "Undo the Silence" is one of them. I wanted to sing on this track with Pulser so badly, but I couldn't for contractual reasons. That’s why you hear my sister, Josie, on quite a few songs from 2009–2012.
Andy (Pulser) has been one of my favorite collaborators throughout my years in music. I can listen to our collaborations on repeat for days; I just love his production style.
If you’ve ever been the pursuer in a relationship with an avoidant partner, you’ll understand this song clear as day. However, I wasn't actually writing about a relationship with another person in this particular case. I was writing about my relationship to myself.
This song, quite literally, is about what I was going through in my 20s and 30s. I worded it to make it more universal because I think the "cat and mouse" game is relatable to most people at some point in their lives. But now, 17 years later, I appreciate the familiar truths that still surface in my personality: my competing desires for both privacy and curiosity.
When I started this series, The Pivot, I didn’t like the idea of putting myself back "out there". I didn’t have the capacity to deal with the death threats, the suicide notes, the tattoos of my lyrics on fans' skin, or the disappointment from those I upset for exploring genres beyond trance. So, I hid.
Eventually, curiosity got the better of me. What if I can hold space for all of that? What if being out in the world again doesn’t have to be so scary? What if I don't have to hide anymore? What would that look like? What would I be teaching my kids? What permission would I be giving others out there like me by simply existing...louder?
I spent so many years living in actual silence. No music. Just the sound of my kids, the cars driving by, and my brain cells dividing. Eventually, I became so depressed and anxious that I started isolating even more than usual. A bike accident changed things for me; I started questioning everything I thought I knew about love and connection.
But I still remained quiet and private. Baby steps.
It wasn’t until this latest pivot into the world of nursing that things really changed. My desire to stay invisible has diminished. My capacity to be seen has grown. Now, as I listen to "Undo the Silence," it resonates on a different cellular level. I no longer feel the melancholic calling of my old self to step up. Instead, I hear my sister inviting the new me into existence.
It makes me think of Erikson’s eight stages of development, something we cover in nursing. For my age group, it is spot on:
Generativity vs. Stagnation (40–65 years): Adults focus on career and family (contribution and care) or feel stuck (stagnation).
Do you have a song that resonates with you 20 years later?
Quiet now, he speaks.
What's it going to be?
The same old private stories?
The ones I can't be told.
I guess we'll never know
What really stands in between us.
How long will it take
To mend this broken heart?
I'm fading.
Is there any way to
Undo the silence?
Undo the silence,
Undo the silence,
Unto the silence,
Baby, I'm breakin' down...
Keywords: Jaren Cerf, singer, Armin van Buuren, Dash Berlin, Man On The Run, Saved Again, You Never Said, Unforgiveable, Cerf, CMJ, Cerf, Mitiska, Jaren, EDM, Trance, Vocal Trance, Aly & Fila, A State Of Trance, Begging You, Matt Cerf, Avenue One
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